10 Hilarious Birthday Card Messages That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

You can spend five bucks on a pre-made card that is moderately funny, or you can make your own DIY funny birthday card that is actually hilarious. It’s up to you, but you can guess what we recommend.

If you write it yourself, not only does it give the card that extra-special feel but they might actually think you came up with the quote on your own. We’ll let them think that, no need to spoil it, as you obviously need all the help you can get.

Anyways, I didn’t really tally up these funny birthday card quotes. I have no idea if there are actually a hundred ideas below. You’re welcome to count but all I know is that there are a lot, and they’re all golden. Be inspired!

Thoughtful Birthday Messages, With Examples

Also note that these are all pretty clean. Mostly G, a few PG. A few jokes about butts, getting drunk, mild insults, old people body humor, that sort of thing. We like to keep it 90-95% family-friendly and nothing really gross or obscene. It’s all a matter of opinion, of course, but these are generally PG or under.

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I wanted to send you something (sexy, incredible, awesome, amazing, etc) but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox. [example]

Super Funny Happy Birthday Mother In Law Wishes

These funny birthday card quotes require a bit of basic artwork. If you have decent drawing skills, use them to create your own humorous cards!

These are the ones you use for anyone who is getting up there in years. For crotchety old grandpa, or for your fun aunt who is nearing retirement. Or for basically just about anyone over twenty-one.

I’m not saying you’re old – I’m just saying that if you were milk I’d smell you before I poured you on my cereal. Just to be safe-ish.

Fun 4th Birthday Wishes For Boys And Girls

It’s Your Birthday, Time to Let Your Hair Down… Oh Wait! Sorry I Forgot For a Second You Don’t Have Any Left to Let Down [example]

Here are funny birthday card quotes for your drinking buddies and BFFs. Interchange your favorite drink, cocktail, or spirit with almost any of these to perfectly tailor the card to the recipient.

Happy birthday! I was going to bake you a delicious rum cake, but I decided to go with a regular cake. Also, I’m really drunk. [example]

Assorted Bulk Pack Hilarious Birthday Greeting Cards W/5 X

Ahh, love. The love that only siblings or besties can share. Very “heartwarming” and “sentimental.” Even “truly meaningful.” If you can share such tender intimacies as these with a friend or family member, you have a relationship to treasure.

Ok let’s see how this goes.Pretend you are reading something very personal I wrote in this card. After a few moments, laugh like I wrote something hilarious. Maybe tip back your head and laugh, you know, really sell it. Now nod your head as though I wrote something very serious and heartwarming. Hold your hand to your heart and sigh, but don’t overdo it. Now close the card, look at me, and mouth the words, “thank you.”

Aww dang! All these words fill up the card and there’s no place for me to write something personal about our friendship. I was going to write something about that time we did the thing… Golly that was going to be so cool. Maybe I’ll write about it on the back of this card. Yeah, I’m definitely going to do that. Flip over the card and let’s get the nostalgia started.

Best Birthday Messages

Are you kidding me? There’s not even any space on the back of this card to write something personal? Sheesh… Hmm. Well, now that I think about it, I probably should have bought a different card with more room to write about just how much you mean to me. [example]If you're looking for funny birthday wishes, quotes, and jokes to put a smile on their dial - you've come to the right place! Sometimes it's your brother/best friend/partners/office buddy's birthday, but a sappy message just won't cut it. Whether it's for him or her, a friend or a colleague, or maybe even a belated birthday wish (whoops!), we've got you covered with our huge selection of humorous birthday wishes.

Write the giggle-worthy greetings in birthday cards, send them by SMS or email, or message someone on Facebook or Twitter - we even have a hilarious emoji message selection! No matter how you send one of these funny wishes, you're sure to brighten their birthday and make them laugh out loud!

Use these links to jump to a particular section, or scroll down the page to see the entire collection of funny birthday wishes and quotes.

Best Happy Birthday Wishes

Here are funny Happy Birthday wishes and messages you can use in a funny birthday card message to friends or family. These humorous birthday messages are sure to tickle their funny bone on their birthday.

A wise man once said, Forget about your past - you cannot change it. I'd like to add: Forget about your present - I didn't get you one.

You know, they say that age is all in your mind. The key is to prevent it from trickling down into your body.

Not Cheesy Cards Your Friends And Family Will Actually Love To Get

Congratulations, you've finally reached the wonder years... wonder where your car is parked? Wonder where you left your phone? Wonder where your glasses are? Wonder what day it is?

When I have a birthday, I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.

Don't stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It's nature's way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Happy Birthday Wishes: Top 90 Birthday Quotes To Everyone

You've got more than half a century of accumulated knowledge and wisdom! That would be awesome... if you could remember any of it.

You know, I would be a whole lot more excited about you turning one year older if I was in your will. Happy Birthday!

Here is a selection of funny Happy Birthday quotes that you can use to wish a friend or family member a very happy birthday, plus poke fun at their age! Use these as a funny birthday card message, or even as a Facebook caption.

Best Birthday Wishes And Message For Daughters From Parents

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest! (But it has also been scientifically proven that too many will kill you.)

They say you lose your mind as you grow older... what they don't tell you is that you won't miss it much!

The ladies love to laugh! Here's a collection of funny Happy Birthday wishes for your mom, sister, aunt, third cousin, or female friends.

Best Birthday Wishes And Messages For A Best Friend

Need comical birthday messages to poke fun at the signs of aging for a man? These funny Happy Birthday wishes for him, include humorous messages to wish your dad, brother, uncle, or best buddy a very happy birthday!

Happy Birthday, Dad! When I grow up I want to be just like you... but hopefully with more hair! Love, your son.

Oh no! Did you forget their birthday? Apologize with one of these funny belated Happy Birthday messages. I'm sure it will get you back in their good books...

Funny 50th Birthday Wishes, Messages And Quotes

I know you think this card is a few days late. It's actually worse than that. This is your card from 2010 that I only just got around to sending. Happy Belated Birthday!

I promise this card isn't late. It is intentionally arriving after your birth-day because I think you deserve a whole birth-month. Happy Birth-month!

Happy Birthday! Don't think of this as a late birthday card. Consider it a very early one for next year. Here's wishing you a wonderful year ahead!

Best Happy Birthday Old Man Wishes For Your Loved Ones

You and your best friend will have shared in some comical capers over the years! These funny birthday wishes to wish your best friend a very happy birthday will be sure to give them a giggle.

Some say the glass is half empty, others say the glass is half full. It's your birthday, just drink whatever's in the glass!

On your special day, I wish you peace, love, insight, relaxation, fun, knowledge, romance, friendship... and all that stuff that doesn't cost anything.

Funny Happy 30th Birthday Wishes, Messages, Memes, Jokes

For your birthday, I wanted to give you something that was both funny and charming, but then I remembered you already have me in your life.

If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on Facebook!

By the time you're your age, you've learned everything - you only have to remember it! Many happy returns on your birthday.

Funny Birthday Quotes For Brother

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

A lot of the time our birthday falls on a workday. Be sure to make your office buddy's day with a funny message. Here are some funny Happy Birthday wishes and messages that you can write in a birthday card message to work colleagues on their birthday.

It sucks to have to work on your birthday - but at least you get to spend it with me this year! Happy Birthday.

Funny Happy Birthday Quotes & Wishes For Best Friends

Did you hear someone is stealing lunches

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